


Sins of the Father

by pherryt



Series: Supernatural CODA Collection [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 13.02 CODA, Angst, Depressive Thoughts, Hopeful Ending, Season 13 spoilers, Self Harm, Trigger Warning: Suicidal Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 18:49:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12463701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pherryt/pseuds/pherryt
Summary: Jack Kline is less than a week old and the world is already not the bright and hopeful place he'd thought it would be, and it seems like the problem is him. Wouldn't it have been better if he'd never been born at all?





	Sins of the Father

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, but I really like Jack and that episode ending killed me. 
> 
> I hope he doesn't turn out to be the big bad. I want to see him and Cas interact. I want Dean to warm up to him. Dean's been there, done that before. Jack shouldn't be any different than Sam who is the most obvious parallel i see. I want Sam to relate to Jack, help him understand that they've been there, done that. 
> 
> there's a lot of potential in this. I've been seeing opposing views and nitpicking already and I'm just going to ignore it all and watch the show, see how it all plays out.
> 
> No, Jack is not a replacement for Cas, but remember, Cas is coming back. I think his Cas like tendencies are written to make Dean hurt, to rub salt in the already raw wound. cause what does Dean do when he hurts? he lashes out and pushes people away. .

Blinding light.

Pain.

Screams and shouts.

Then darkness

That was the world Jack Kline was born into. A world without his mother. And a world without his father.

He was alone.

He wasn’t supposed to be alone. Where was his father? Where was Castiel?

The next couple of days weren’t any better than his first few moments on Earth. They were chaotic, frightening and painful. Castiel was gone. The one being who was supposed to protect him. Guide him. Teach him. He could remember his mother’s words, whispered through her skin. She’d loved him unconditionally. He missed that warmth and mourned her.

Wished he knew how to fix her.

But he was too new. He felt the power thrumming under his skin, behind his eyes but he didn’t know how to use it, how to access it. The way it felt, the strength of it – it scared him.

Jack tried to think back to her words – the things Kelly had said, her convictions: That he was special and good but that people would be afraid of him because of what he was. How he needed protection – both from the world and maybe himself, till he learned who he was. But she’d  _ promised _ him he wouldn’t be alone.

And he wasn’t. But the Winchesters weren’t Castiel. Weren’t the angel who’d agreed to help him be a better person. And if his mother’s words were wrong about Castiel being there to help him, then what else was she wrong about?

What if she was wrong about  _ him _ ?

What if he wasn’t as good as she had believed? What if Dean Winchester was right? What if Lucifer’s genes won out and he became the thing in the night that everyone feared he would become? What some of them – those demons –  _ hoped _ he would become?

Maybe it would just be better if he stopped existing? Then he wouldn’t be so scared of being evil, of hurting people. Of becoming the thing his mother said he would never become. Even Sam was afraid of him, as much as he didn’t want to be. As much as he wanted to give Jack a chance, Jack could tell that Sam was fully aware – as much as Dean thought Sam was deluding himself – of the harm Jack could do

If only Castiel had been there.

If only helping Jack hadn’t been the very thing that got his father killed.

If getting Castiel killed hadn’t been the one thing most guaranteed to set Castiel’s favorite human against Jack.

Jack remembered Castiel’s fondness for Dean Winchester. That his fondness ran deeper than what Jack could see, hidden in the depths of Castiel’s heart. How much he admired the man, had used him as a role model.

Someone that inspiring, surely would be worth using as his own role model? He’d tried, too.

But Dean hated him.

Less than a week old and Jack was so confused, lost, scared and alone. He’d been so prepared to find joy in things – seeing the world through his own eyes, not filtered through layers of maternal love – that to find it ripped away from him was too jarring.

He’d been brought back to the bunker, where the Winchesters lived. He had thought that might happen. Castiel had often spoken of it fondly, as home. He’d been so excited at the thought of going someplace Castiel longed so much to be and now he was here.

But it wasn’t the warm and welcoming home he’d been led to believe it would be. Was there nothing he’d been told that wouldn’t eventually turn out to be a lie?

Sam seemed to want him there, Dean didn’t. Not really. He’d heard Dean. He only wanted Jack where he could see him. Was convinced Jack would become as evil as Lucifer. Jack curled up on the bed in his room, staring at the wall. If this man was so good an angel admired him, then surely, he must be more right about what Jack would wind up being than his mother?

Jack's chest tightened. What was this prickling feeling behind his eyes? He rubbed at them and they came away wet. Crying. He was crying. He couldn’t be evil, could he? He didn’t want to be.

But he  _ had  _ hurt Sam and Dean – right at the very start! And that Sheriff who’d just been nice to him. And the tattoo person too. It was reflex. He’d hurt them without even thinking about it. It was in his blood. He’d been so willing to please someone, he’d been tricked and lied to, almost opened a door to somewhere even his reading had led him to believe wasn’t very nice. But he’d tried to open it anyway. What if some part of him had been so willing to believe the fake Donatello because he’d  _ wanted  _ to?

How could he be sure about himself?

How could he keep himself from hurting people?

Kelly was wrong. His  _ mother _ had been wrong all along. She should have gone along with the Winchesters plan before he was even born. Then he’d be a normal kid and nobody would have died because of him.

But most especially his mother.

He surged to his feet.

Dean was right. He was evil. Inherently evil. What else could explain it? His very birth had killed his mother! If he’d been human that never would have happened. She hadn’t deserved that. It was all his fault.

Frantically, Jack looked around the room and his eyes fell on the knife on the dresser. Why it was there, he had no idea. But maybe the previous tenant – whoever it had been – had left it there. No matter. Jack snatched it up, the weight of it strange and heavy in his hand.

He closed his eyes and steeled himself.

Sure, it was a regular knife, in so far as he knew. There was no power emanating from it like that angel lady’s blade had. And that blade had failed to kill him. But he was a Nephilim. He was stronger than that. He could feel it, even if he didn’t know how to use it, was too scared to touch the molten core of power inside him. Maybe…maybe with intent, he could imbue the weapon and it would kill him?

Jack swallowed and raised the blade, closed his eyes and held his breath.

And stabbed.

Again and again. Feeling more and more frustrated with every plunge of the knife.

It wasn’t working. He couldn’t do anything right! Everyone had sacrificed so much for him, didn’t he owe it to them to make sure he couldn’t hurt anyone else?

He startled when Dean came in, angry, taking the knife away. His chest healed nearly instantly once he let up. All his concentration had done was prolong the physical healing – he hadn’t been able to convince whatever power resided inside him to let him do the deed and now Dean was looking at him and…Jack was scared. Dean didn’t actually have the power to hurt him – he was human. But Castiel had told Kelly stories of Dean, and through her, Jack.

Jack knew what Dean was capable of. When everyone underestimated them, Dean and Sam always seemed to come out on top. They’d stopped so many powerful beings, the Apocalypse – they’d saved the world. If there was a way to take Jack out, Dean and Sam would be the ones to figure it out.

And Dean had the motivation to do it, too. He looked Jack in the eye and he promised that he’d be there for Jack when he inevitably fucked up. Promised to stop him if he went too far. The relief Jack felt was…indescribable. Knowing that if he got out of control, someone would be able to stop him helped push back the fear he had of himself. Made it easier to think about his future.

Helped him clear his mind.

Alone once more, he thought back to the days before his birth.

That was the answer, he realized. He  _ could  _ be human. The Winchesters had suggested it before. If it was an option before, then…why couldn’t it be an option now?

His mind made up, he went looking for Sam and Dean. He found them in the library and the air was tense. He knew they’d been arguing again. Probably about him. It made his stomach twist. But he pushed it aside. What he was about to suggest should help. He wouldn’t be dangerous anymore. He’d be a normal kid.

It wasn’t what his mother had wanted, and that made Jack feel guilty, but he was choosing to not hurt people, and wouldn’t she be proud of that?

He cleared his throat and looked at the brothers. Sam’s face softened as he looked at Jack, Dean’s shuttered and he looked away, raising a bottle to his lips. Jacks bloodied knife lay on the table between them.

“I want you to take my Grace,” Jack said.

Dean choked, spitting out the beer and hastily wiping at his mouth. The bottle was slammed onto the table and Sam looked at Dean disapprovingly before looking back at Jack.

“Why would you want to do that?” Sam asked slowly.

Jack tilted his head and squinted. “I thought you would understand. I want to be normal. I don’t want to hurt people. This,” Jack gestured at his bloodied and torn shirt, towards his center, “is too much and it scares me. I don’t want to be a bad person, I don’t want the power to control me. If we take it away, if we, if we cut it out, like you once suggested, won’t that solve all our problems?”

“Jack, it could  _ kill  _ you. Nothing like this has ever been successfully attempted and you’re not  _ just  _ an angel. You’re a Nephilim. There’s no guarantee – “ Sam protested. Dean stayed silent, head bowed as he leaned over the table.

“No! Please, you’ve _ got  _ to…you have to take it out of me!” Jack yelled desperately. “You don’t understand what it’s like to be afraid of yourself! To have something so scary inside you, that everyone just knows is going to turn you evil. And I never had a choice in the matter! Just like my mother didn’t have a choice! Please! I don’t want to hurt people. I don’t want to hurt you! I just want it to go away!”

He was crying again but Jack didn’t care. It was a human thing to do, and that’s what he wanted to be. But even more, he just couldn’t stop the ache in his chest. The one the knife couldn’t cut out of him. Arms wrapped around him, and it was only then he realized he’d fallen to his knees sobbing. He buried his face in the flannel, burrowing into a touch he’d craved but hadn’t really received – hadn’t known he needed.

Jack wasn’t sure how long it took him to stop crying, to register the rocking or the soothing sounds tumbling out of the man holding him. He shifted enough to look up and see, to his surprise, Dean Winchester and not Sam.

“You okay now, Jack?” Dean asked gruffly. Jack shook his head and Dean sighed. “Of course you aren’t. You may be an all powerful Nephilim, but you really are just a baby, aren’t you? You forced yourself to grow up and you  _ look _ old enough to know things that you really never had the chance to learn. Look, kid,” Dean pulled away and Jack whined at the idea of losing this human touch. “This Grace thing…Sam and I actually both know, all too well, some of what you’re feeling. We’ve both had power inside us that turned us into monsters. Sam was fed demon blood as a baby. He once had psychic powers because of it – was meant to lead a demonic army, was supposed to be Lucifer’s vessel so the Apocalypse could happen. He did things he regretted because of all that.”

Dean shifted so that the two of them were sitting side by side, their backs against the library wall. “I took on a curse once, something I didn’t understand, and it was slowly turning me. I became a demon, temporarily. I killed without mercy. I asked Castiel to kill me if I lost control. It…gave me relief to know that he could stop me from turning into a monster,” Dean said softly.

“Is that why you told me - ?” Jack said, understanding dawning. “I know it relieved me to hear you say it. Though I thought…I thought you hated me Dean?”

Dean sighed and dropped his head back on the wall with a thunk. “I don’t…I  _ wanted _ to hate you. I won’t lie. I’ve lost a lot of the people dear to me because of you. But if I’m truthful, the fault really lies with Lucifer. It was him that forced a baby on your mother to begin with. And that was what started this whole chain reaction of absolute  _ suck.  _ And it was him that killed Cas,” Dean stuttered on Cas’s name, then shook his head and kept going, “Crowley, too. And mom…she…we’d just gotten her back,  _ again  _ and now she’s gone too. Trapped with Lucifer in that other world and...but you? You’re just a kid and I shouldn’t blame you but it was easier to do that than to face what I’d lost. That was unfair to you. And yeah, you could go darkside, and that fucking scares me but – “

“But?” Jack asked when Dean had paused too long.

“But after today, I think it’s pretty clear you’ve gotten a pretty bad rap from Heaven’s PR. And I never trusted those douchebags anyway. They were wrong about Amara too. I mean, she had issues.  _ Boy _ , did she have issues, but all she wanted was her brother back. Her power was terrifying too, but in the end, we didn’t kill her. The threat she represented is over and we won that fight without having to kill her. Even though her mark was what drove Lucifer insane, was what turned me into a demon…she changed. So, if I can give her the benefit of the doubt and a second chance, why shouldn’t I give you the same?” Dean rubbed a hand down over his face, eyes a little wet.

“Besides, it’s what Cas would have wanted,” Dean whispered that last so softly, Jack was certain he hadn’t been meant to hear it. Sam probably couldn’t hear it from where he sat, watching with a stunned look on his face.

“I’m sorry, about Castiel. I miss him too,” Jack said. He hesitated, but then considered what Dean had said, considered that it had been Dean that had held him when he cried, and he leaned over and hugged the older Winchester.

“Yeah, me too,” Dean choked. “Me too.”

And Jack began to hope once more. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Jdragon122 who took a look and helped reassure me that the story wasn't choppy and the ending wasn't too abrupt.


End file.
